Four Ways of Helping Without Enabling: How to Walk With a Loved One in Crisis

Imagine this... You’re dealing with your day to day affairs and you get a phone call from someone close to you. They’re frantic and desperate. They need something from you and it’s no small ask. You oblige because you love them, but you know deep down you shouldn’t because it’s reinforcing a bad behavior. You’ve been down this road before and it’s frustrating. In fact, you pull back a little when you see their name come up on the phone and you hesitate to answer, hoping they’re just calling to say hello.

Perhaps it’s your spouse, brother or sister, friend, or even a parent. And perhaps, this isn’t something you have to imagine after all.

How to Help Without Enabling

But what should you do and how do you support your loved one and help them without enabling the behavior? What level of involvement should you have? How do you stay right with the person? How do you stay right with yourself? How do you stay right with God?

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The answers may not be clear to you, but there are ways to walk through a situation like that with wisdom and love. Read on to learn about four practical and faith-based ways to support someone in wisdom and love.

1. Don’t Try to Fix What Isn’t Yours to Fix

“For each will have to bear his own load.” (Galatians 6:5)

Don’t think of this as ignoring a cry for help. The Apostle Paul precedes this statement by instructing us to help those caught in a transgression with a “spirit of gentleness”.

Instead, believe in your loved one and support them in their efforts to overcome their own burdens. By trying to fix someone else’s problem, you are denying them the opportunity to grow, and depriving them of building up important life tools that they could use in the future. You want to help them just enough so they realize they have the strength to overcome challenges on their own.

It’s hard. But think of it like taking the training wheels off a bike for the first time and giving the rider a push, hoping they can steer around a tree and brake before they crash into a fence. You can’t pedal the bike for them, turn the handlebar, or squeeze the brakes. It’s in their learning at this point that they develop the skill.

So be there for them with a spirit of gentleness. And let them bear their own load.

2. Love by Setting Boundaries

To help without fixing, you have to learn where your role ends and theirs begins. That’s where boundaries come in.

Establishing boundaries is not easy. If you set them too far out, you’ll find yourself back in the place of solving problems that aren’t yours. But if you set them too far in, it can feel like you’re withholding care.

Part of the confusion comes from how we think about love.

We often default to thinking love means always saying yes, always showing up, always doing whatever is needed. And while it’s true that love is patient and kind, scripture also tells us that love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7). Love doesn’t support or participate in what is harmful, even when it’s hard to step back or say no.

Boundaries are not rejection, they are clarity.

Love them enough to keep showing up. And love them enough to say no.

3. Be a Steady Voice of Truth

There is a time for honest words when they are needed. And it’s appropriate to speak those words to your loved one instead of keeping them to yourself. Proverbs tells us, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” (Proverbs 27:5–6). Those moments are not about being right, they are about showing up.

The goal isn’t to control their choices, it’s to point them to something better. Something true.

And if conversations get uncomfortable, remember that “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11).

You don’t have to have all the answers and say all the right things. But you can be a steady voice of truth.

4. Don’t Forget to Pray

Perhaps the most powerful and important thing to do is pray. And this isn’t something to use as a last resort.

Scripture tells us to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Pray even if the words don’t come to you. You can’t mess up a prayer.

God hears you, and will answer. Sometimes with yes, sometimes with no, and sometimes with not yet. But the prayer is answered always.

And while you’re praying for your loved one, don’t forget to pray for yourself. Pray for the patience you need to endure the season. Pray for the wisdom to speak truthfully. Pray for the courage to set proper boundaries. Pray for restraint when it’s required.

One Final Thought

If you are walking along side with someone as they go through a rough patch, we know how heavy that burden can be.

At Along Side Ministries, we walk the same path. We see the struggle and the setbacks, and people like you who show up regardless.

We encourage you to keep showing up, and trust that God is at work through you.